The Note
by the-ravenpuff-girl
Summary: A little one shot I wrote, it's a bit sad so be warned. Albus writes Scorpius a note. AS/S


"To Scorpius,

I'm sorry. I know you love Rose, and I know it's wrong, and dirty, but I can't help but love you. Every time, I look at you, my heart starts to race, and I get butterflies in my stomach.

I'm an idiot, aren't I? Out everyone that I'm leaving behind, I'm writing to you. I know I should be writing to Dad, or Mom, or James, or Lily, or, well, anyone else, but really, you're the only person I'll miss.

Remember when we first met? We were little first years, and you were behind me in line. You looked like you were about to throw up, but you still smiled, a faint, terrified smile at me. One that I think said something more, but you've always told me that I read too far into things. Remember when we were both sorted into Ravenclaw?

None of my family was surprised, to tell you the truth. But Rosie, she was so upset when she was sorted into Gryffindor, without me. I told her to calm down; we'd still see each other at lessons and stuff.

That was one of the only days James hugged me. We used to hug a lot, when we were little, but in the past years, he hasn't hugged me at all. He hides behind his prankster imagine you know. He thinks he's so clever, that if no one sees him, that if everyone thinks he's heartless, than his heart won't be broken, but what's the point of love if your heart isn't shown, even if it might break. But that's just me, the hopeless romantic.

I remember the time we first talked, really talked. It was potions, a subject, I know I dreaded, you said you dreaded it to, but I can never know with you. I think you're a compulsive liar, or a creative truth teller, as you always say. I sat down to realize that I was sitting beside, *gasp* Scorpius Malfoy, the boy Uncle Ron had warned us about. You've denied it, but I think you knew I was staring with disgust, or distrust, but you just looked down at me, not in a mean way, or at least I didn't think it was a mean way and said "Scorpius Malfoy; and before you ask, I'm nothing like my father." Then me, being me, I replied, "Albus Potter, and before you ask, I'm nothing like my father." Then you nodded, and you sat beside me and I knew we were going to be best friends, even better friends then me and Rose.

Rosie got jealous, in that first year, I remember, word for word what she said "You never have time for me anymore, you're always with your Ravenclaw friends, are they better than me?"

Of course I told her no, and she demanded to join me in one of my "social gatherings" as she called them. You guys met for the first time there. It's funny, but I don't remember much of that night, I remember the aftermath, Rose joining our group, and so much mayhem, and pranks and the sneaking out that happened later, but I guess, the conversations we had aren't' t that important in the end, just the fact that we're friends is.

Scrop, you really are my only true friend, as stupid as it may sound. I know this makes me sound like a girl but hey, I'm gay, I should be allowed to indulge those stupid things like that. Rose, is, Rose. I love her to death, but the only reason we're friends is because we're cousins, who are the same age, and who go to the same school. We wouldn't be friends if it wasn't for blood. Don't lie and say it's not true; we're just not very compatible. She's loud spoken, and I'm shyer than shy. She's brave, and I'm scared to talk to teachers, even the ones I've known since I was a baby. And she's impulsive; I like to think things through. The only time we're similar, is in our stubbornness, something I'm glad you don't have.

It's strange really. I'm writing to you like everything's ok. But it's not.

I'm going to die, well if you ever read this, I'll be dead. I'm sorry, I really am, but I just can't go on like this (oh look a stupid movie cliché).

Do you remember the day I stopped talking? That was my cry for help, but no one gave it to me. Not the teachers or my cousins, or my siblings, or my parents, or my friends.

And do you know how scary it was listening to you, Lily, Hugo, Rose and James talk about suicide that day when we were all talking about death? That sounds morbid, but, really it's just cus we've been raised hearing about our dead relatives, and I wanted second opinion on suicide, so I asked "what about suicide, do are people still good if they commit suicide?" I was so scared that you would find out, but I really wanted to. I don't want to die, well I do, but what I really want is for someone to save me. But you guys wouldn't care if I died.

Hugo said it's selfish, I disagree, it's selfless. It's looking around and realizing that no one wants you and helping them take care of it. It's selfish to want to keep someone here, when all they want to do is die.

James, being the git he is said its "only for the weak". It's for the strong. Do you know how much strength it takes to end your own life? To know that you'll never see anyone again yet still hold that knife, or rope, or pill, and do the act. Do you know how scary it is to want to kill yourself so much that the only feeling you feel is sadness, and despair, and loneliness? Staying alive is for the cowards, I'm moving on.

Lily, Lily my sweet little sister said that people who attempt suicide are crazy. Well I guess that means I'm crazy.

I'm sorry Scorpius, I really am. I know I shouldn't burden you with me when I'm dead, I've done it enough when I was alive but, please Scorpius know, I love you.

Under all that I love you. And you're the reason I got in the morning. And you're the reason I stayed alive for so long. You're the only reason I haven't killed myself yet.

But now, now you're dating Rose.

It's like a slap in the face. Just another reminder of all the reasons I want to die.

I've tried to hold on, but I just can't any longer. Please don't believe it's your fault, it's not, I just, can't hold on. And what you do when you're tired of holding on? You let go.

Love Albus"

Scorpius looked up. It had been 10 years since Al had died. He didn't cry when now.

He though back to all he'd achieved in those 5 years, Setting up a help line for suicide, and stopping millions of people from taking their lives, being Auror who helps save people's lives daily, and never forgetting Al.

He had hated him for a while. Hated that little black haired kid, he'd always be kid, for leaving, leaving him, leaving everyone behind, but now he couldn't be mad.

Scorpius closed the letter, it falling in back into the creases, the creases that could only be made when someone had folded, and refolded, and refolded a paper over and over again.

"Al, I love you too." He whispered.


End file.
